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· roflcpter.
2,527 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
i dont know why im writing this but i just thought id let you know what to look out for if you decide to visit my home country.

A chav is a kind of wanker that is rapidly becoming the new dickhead stereotype for the true English fucker, overthrowing the previous bowler-and-brolly archetype we all secretly wish were true.
A "chav" is a primitive life form, somewhere between vermin and parasite,(vermisite) that earns its living by either signing up for the social (British unemployment benefits) or stealing things from its local supermarket, but in most cases combining both.A few of the moar enterprising chavs eke out a living selling low-grade cannabis and heavily adulterated amphetamines to school children. It is a true social underclass but is no less deserving of observation and study.
Preferably from behind reinforced glass with disinfectant on hand. Note that while Chavs are essentially *******, they hate for anyone to call them that. Their Wiggerality is apparent, however, in the way they always walk as if they've just shat themselves but don't want it to show.
The word "chav" is widely believed to stand for "council house and violent" due to their lack of funds and aggressive nature, or possibly "Chalton average". It might also come from charivari. Other variations of the word "chav" include "charver" and "fucknugget", terms that may well have been introduced by mice fornicating in burberry hats, given their Liverpudlian origin. Scottish people fondly refer to their equivalents as "Neds", or non-educated delinquents. Calling this hypocritical is a major understatement. THEY LOVE GOUCHIN INNIT G DO ME A BEN ON TICK TILL THURSDAY.


you get the point....
well anyways your will 99.9% encounter chav activity unless youstay indoors all the time..
and being american you will get singled out even more!
so im about to school you on english slang, That being said, here are just a few of their favorites:

yeah m8 - An automatic response received after insulting a chav (more often followed with a punch).
Bruv - An abbreviation of "brother". They seem to be capable of calling anyone their brother.
Wa g'wan - "What is going on?", mostly used to mean "Hello, how are you?"
Bare - "A lot", "Big", "an abundance of", "copious" Bare good!
Brap/Prap - Used to draw attention to oneself, representing the sound of a gun.
Bo - Also used to draw attention.
Mint - "Brilliant".
Blut-blut - Also used to draw attention to oneself.
Innit/Ennit - "Isn't it just."
Yezzir - "Yes, sir", imitated by Chavs upon hearing famous ***** 'Pharrell Williams' say the word himself in a few songs.
Blud - "Blood", announced in recognition as a follower of theirs being a so-called brother.
Moshy bashin - Going down to a mosh pit and starting a fait/fight.
Orrrr M8 - "I am most impressed with this information". This may also be heard before being harassed for a cigarette, and then being questioned as to why you don't have any/won't give them one.
Startin? - "Would you be suggesting that we engage in a physical confrontation of a violent nature?"
GEE UZ YER PHONE - "Hand over your mobile communications device, or face a bit of rough and tumble".
WAAAAAAAAAH - The most common chav mating call.
Mish - A great distance. short for mission
Blatantly - The strongest word a chav has in its arsenal. If you're blatantly startin' with him, you should probably flee. A chav will not resort to a three-syllable word except at the utmost end of need.
Proper - Used as the adjective in most sentences, declaring that something is good. 'Lad lad lad, dat's a proper cat there, lad'.
Lad - A chav's favorite appellation. Chavs will frequently use this to engage in a conversation, often repeating it several times until it can think of something to say afterwords. Usually followed by the question "What've ya bin' sayin' about me ma lad?"
Dirt - A cigarette.
Wickiiid - "I derive much enjoyment from that particular occurrence".
Shockin - "That is disagreeable"
'Aving a Chew - Undertaking an arduous task, such as writing your name.
Do a Nash - To make an prompt exit, usually on the rare occasion that outnumbering the foe 10 to 1 is not enough to win a fight.

ASBO's (Anti social behaviour Order) is a chavs sign of respect on the street...... from an early age this is his tru goal.
Incapable of sensitivity or remorse, chavs have no respect for anyone other than England's football loser and fellow shaven ape, Wayne Rooney, who would have made a better rugby (union) player anyway. In between stealing money from the purses of their own grandmothers and eating magic mushrooms like popcorn at the movies, they patrol their hell-hole neighborhoods making them even more unlivable by looking for folk half their age to beat within an inch of life. As with many animals, they hunt in packs; caught on their own, they tend to mutter under their breath and stare liek a retard (but much more mild mannered). If you happen upon a group of chavs, do not glance in their direction. Any seemingly harmless form of eye contact will result in a fierce ''YER FUCKIN STARTIN ON ME KNOBHEAD!!????!!!!'' or 'I'LL FUCKIN' KNIFE YA, YA MOSH CUNT!!!' Most Chavs seem to keep this attitude as they grow into their early 30's. This is where they get dangerous, having been to college to learn which end of a knife is sharp and having realized that this is as good as it gets. They have a terrible attitude towards other groups, such as the 'moshers,' 'sk8er bois,' emos, and anyone else not wearing half-mast tracksuit bottoms and a faded baseball cap. Do not let the whiny nasal voice fool you: if you're not a chav, be prepared for some IRL serious business. However, if a chav is alone or the number of their group of apes is lower than yours (which is rare as chavs hunt in packs), they will shit themselves and will probably scurry around quickly until they reach their local McDonald's, safe from harm. If you find a chav alone, do not hesitate. You know what to do. Do it, ******.

A recent threat featuring use of knives and guns in exchange for your phone is no longer a rarity. Be aware that living anywhere remotely close to London, such as Hayes, Southall, or any other major city, will generally result in one or more of the following:

Witnessing of comical chav behavior as described above;
Audible flatulence .
Loss of phone/valuables .
Severe amusement/fail .
A hole in one's stomach .

that being said.... the schooling is over
and whath out for the chavs.

oh theres a famous one called DEVVO!
look him up on fat-pie.com for some entertainment

· Super Moderator
2,516 Posts
Where does "Would you like to play with my cock and balls?" come in at?

· roflcpter.
2,527 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·

Explain to me what this Burberry crap i hear them talk about all the time. It some kinda clothes or somethin?

Burberry is a pattern on clothing aswell as a name brand, and with all name brands there expensive so you wont see many chavs with the real deal..... your more likely to see a corner shop knock off.. usualy the one with the "burberry" are higher up the chav level and are more respected in the ASBO community.

and yes ^^^^ they are being serious!
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