Heres a translation to classified adds.
Needs Minor Work - Needs significant work.
Needs Nothing - Except a tow truck.
Easy Project Car - Completely disassembled, bring many boxes.
Minor Rust - Don't sit down!
Minor Rust - Major rust you can’t see.
Low Mileage - Only 170,000.
Convertible - After driving under truck.
Runs Great - Too bad it doesn’t roll.
Alarm - Wires are cut to sell stolen.
Nice Stereo - To overcome exhaust noise.
Needs Paint - To cover rust.
New Paint - Beautifully covers rust.
Fully Loaded - Seller is too.
All Options - 8-track player.
Only 59,000 Miles - Actually 359,000 miles.
Rare Model - One of 500,000 made.
Must Sell - Before the law finds seller.
Must Sell - Need bail money.
Summer Fun - Roof leaks in winter.
Summer Fun - Won't make it to fall.
Reliable - Don't leave the neighborhood.
Daily Driver - 400 miles a day.
Only Driven Sundays - Sunday is race day.
Engine Rebuilt - Engine degreased to look it.
Doesn’t Smoke - No oil to burn, or 90wt oil.
Trans. Rebuilt - Fine sawdust used to make it quiet.
4 Speed Gearbox - 5th gear is dead.
Hurry, Won't Last - Neither will car.
New Tires - Retreads years ago.
Well Maintained - Oil changed every other leap year.
Drives Like a Dream - Nightmare.
Car Cover - To help keep out rats.
Always Garaged - Embarrassed to leave it outside.
Family Owned - Driven by 6 teenagers.
Fully Restored - Nothing original.
Smog Exempt - DMV doesn't think so.
Tags Till Next Year - Stolen year sticker.
Moving, Must Sell - Off to jail, need bail money.
Must Sell - Before it blows up.
Runs Fine - I was going to say "runs excellent" but I had a last minute attack of conscience.
Needs Some Body Work - Was side-swiped by a Winnebago.
Well Maintanied -I occasionally change the oil.
Looks Like New - Just don't try to drive it anywhere.
All Original - I never had anything fixed, adjusted, or replaced.
Loaded With Options - Each one more troublesome than the last.
Never Smoked In - Unfortunately, that's the best thing I can say about it.
Project Car - I can't figure out how to finish it and I doubt you will either.
Lots of Potential - To drive you insane.
Needs Minor Repair - Doesn't run.
Engine Quiet - Uses 90-weight oil
Parts Car - Beyond repair.
Rough Condition - Too bad to lie about.
Immaculate - Recently washed.
Concours - Recently waxed.
Needs Minor Overhaul - Needs engine.
Needs Major Overhaul - Phone the junkyard.
Burns No Oil - It all leaks out.
Rebuilt Engine - Cleaned the spark plugs.
Drive It Anywhere - I live on a hill.
Drive It Anywhere - Within 10 miles.
Desireable Classic - No one wants it.
Rare Classic - No one wanted it even when it was new.
Stored 20 Years - In a farmer's field.
Ran When Stored - Won't start.
Never Apart - Bolts too rounded to loosen.
Solid As A Rock - Rusted solid
Restored With 0 Miles - Won't start.
Restored With 2 Miles - Won't stay running.
Older Restoration - First owner washed it.
Good Investment - Can't be worth much less.
No Time To Restore It - Can't obtain parts.
95% Complete - Other 5% doesn't exist.
Clean - Homeless dude at 5th and Main did the windows.
Good Transportation - It's ugly as sin.
Engine Blueprinted - I don't know what it means either.
Exellent Gas Mileage - It's slow.
Low Miles - The odometer was turned back.
One Owner - Can't give it away.
Sure to Appreciate - That's why I'm selling it.
..Or Best Offer - I'm guessing here.
Faster Than A 'Vette - A Chevette.
Other Interests Conflict - Spouse's ultimatum: "Either that #[email protected]
&## thing goes or I do!"